Dear Brain: You Are My Best Friend, And My Worst Enemy.
Our brains are inside our heads, they are part of us, so it can be very difficult to separate what they are making us think and feel from who we actually are. But is important to do so, because if we don’t it undoubtedly impacts our wellbeing.
We’ve all had thoughts that just pop into our heads that we may not like, dark thoughts, scary thoughts, offensive thoughts… the list goes on and on. Some lucky people have learned not to be ashamed of these thoughts, not to always act upon them, to see them for what they are. But most of us have not, and that can be very destructive. Good news, though, I believe that there is hope for us all.
Our brains have had a lot of catching up to do. Relatively speaking it wasn’t all that long ago that we were strolling around in small groups, picking fruit from trees when we were lucky enough to find it, sleeping in caves and wondering if that noise in the night was something coming to eat us. Then our brains mutated, and here we are building skyscrapers, driving cars and launching rockets into space. So, then, it is little surprise that our brains are having a tough time of it, and often struggle to make sense of the situations that we find ourselves in.
Undoubtedly, much of our brain’s messaging is steeped in humanities past, where the things we were most worried about was food, safety, and reproduction, all on a very basic level. When you really think about it, the themes haven’t changed all that much, but the context most certainly has. Advertisers know this, as does the media and governments, only too well. But if each of us can understand this too, it can really help us to see the thoughts that makes us most ashamed, or guilty, or anxious as just thoughts that are pre-programmed in the computers of our brain. You can call this instinct if you like.
IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.
Binge eating is a common challenge for people, often leading to obesity, depression, illness and worst of all, guilt. Guilt is horrendous when you think about it, feeling bad about a thought or feeling. Some helpful people will tell you that you can control your feelings, but that isn’t true. It is possible to control your actions, but it can be very very very difficult, and often requires a great deal of help. Sadly the things we see on TV and in the papers, magazines and self help books are the stories are about those fortunate people who have controlled or overcome this, that or the other. But here’s the rub, they’ve done so because their unique brain has enabled them to. They are very lucky, not special.
Binge eating is no surprise when seen in the context of our ancestors. You’re cold, you’re hungry, you’re exhausted and you don’t know when the next meal will come from for your small group. Then, up ahead you see a tree covered in that lovely orange fruit, and so you all gorge yourself because your brain knows that when it sees food it needs to eat as much as possible of it. So it is not inconceivable to think that, for some, that message remains. There are of course many other reasons for binge eating, but they probably relate to that trinity in some way, food, reproduction and safety.
Here’s another one, racism. Tread carefully here Andrew. Studies clearly show that our brain likes things that are the same, there is a dopamine release from familiarity. This is probably mostly to do with safety, something different can be dangerous and scary, something familiar will probably be friendly. Maybe it will share its food with us or, if we’re lucky, have sex with us. When our cat sees a new person she legs it. Is she racist, unlikely, because she likes some people. Her brain is just sending her messages to protect herself because she is scared of something that is different. But prejudice is certainly one aspect of brain messaging that I firmly believe we can, and should recognise and change. Remember, just because you think something doesn’t mean that you have to be it. And now, fortunately, it is clear that just because someone is different from us that isn’t a bad thing. Often it is a very good thing, Admittedly, and for various reasons such as our social conditioning, some of us need to work harder to reach this conclusion we are all capable of coming to that conclusion. It can come as a result of challenging our programming, but for some of us our programmers are more robust than others.
It might be a lot easier if we could all openly admit that we are prejudiced in some way. Prejudice is everywhere, your are prejudiced, I am prejudiced, let’s accept that and seek to learn, and help each other not to be. If I attack or abuse someone simply for being different, I should be punished by the law. But if I have a prejudiced feeling and am brave enough to confront it and admit it, help me to overcome it, don’t attack me for having it.
IT’S NOT MY FAULT.
So, the next time a thought comes into your brain that you don’t like, try and remember that it is just a computer sending you a message, it is nothing to be ashamed of. If it is particularly bad, I’d suggest seeking help, because there will always be places that help with that sort of thing. If it isn’t illegal but is still difficult for you, I would suggest accepting it, owning it and then seeing if you can find out more about it. Sometimes something as simple as telling someone else you trust (“Oh my God, I have that thought too sometimes, I thought that it was just me”), or writing it down can be a really helpful start. Therapy can be vitally important here, and so can self-education. Psychology Today can be really helpful, and various books about Psychology and the brain can be found at your local library. It’s probably best to avoid Mumsnet and Facebook for this kind of thing.
Remember, you are amazing, but that squidgy lump in your head has been catapulted into a world that can be really scary. However with some responsibility and effort you can begin to help each other to work it out.
Forget space*, your brain is the most important undiscovered frontier.
* Don’t actually forget space.
Further reading for the curious, definitely not an exhaustive list:
